We might not like to admit it, but we all contribute to perpetuating a culture of complaints. That may be because we have a sense of power when we complain. We’re the aggrieved, innocent party who is owed resolution. And some cases, this is accurate – someone else was truly at fault.
But many of us engage in chronic complaining and its twin sister blaming. Although we resent being the subject of a complaint, when things go wrong, our first impulse is to find someone or something to blame.
As a dental consultant for over 20 years, I have an inside peak at how this plays out in the practice.
- When an appointment runs over, it’s the diva hygienist’s fault.
- If a patient doesn’t show, it’s the appointment coordinator’s fault for not confirming.
- If a treatment plan isn’t accurate, it’s the lazy clinician’s fault.
Entire teams take turns blaming and scapegoating one another. The end result is a team powered by fear and defensiveness.
There has got to be a better way.
When Does Complaining Go Bad?
The Merriam-Webster online dictionary describes the word “complaint” as “an expression of grief, pain, or dissatisfaction.” There’s nothing inherently wrong with saying you are dissatisfied. In fact, this can be an important piece of feedback.
The troubles begin when the complaint is not attached to ownership and it’s used as a weapon.
Here are complaints I’ve heard from team members.
- “She didn’t tell me I was supposed to do that.”
- “He makes deals with patients and then doesn’t tell us about them.”
- “She only cares about her schedule.”
Are these statements accurate descriptions of a situation? Possibly.
Will these statements do anything to resolve the situation? Unlikely.
These statements don’t just express dissatisfaction:
They absolve the speaker by implicating another person.
Changing Complaints into Contribution
So, what should we do when we are disappointed by another? If complaining doesn’t engender change, what does? How can the practice leader change a culture where blaming and shaming are a team sport?
Simply telling your team that they can’t complain, isn’t going to work. They will just complain about not being able to complain!
The best route is to acknowledge that it can be okay to complain, but a complaint should be an inspiration to have a conversation; it’s not the end goal. The goal isn’t to assign culpability but to find a mutual solution.
This is the part where things get interesting. The benefit of complaining is that it implies you’re not responsible for the bad result; it’s the other party that needs to change. But to solve issues, you have to be able to acknowledge your part in the situation and you need this out loud.
Contribution and Ownership
This where we use the word “contribution.” Resolving a situation, means owning your part.
- Your part may have been to be unclear, or contradictory or impatient.
- Your contribution may have been to make negative assumptions or judgments about the other person.
Even if the other person is 80% at fault; you have done or not something that contributed 20%.
When someone recognizes their contribution, they take ownership of their behavior and they acknowledge that they also need to change in order to get better results.
Here’s how this would sound with the examples I used earlier.
| Complaint/Blame | Contribution/Ownership |
| She didn’t tell me I was supposed to do that. | I didn’t ask enough questions and so I was unclear about what was expected. |
| He always makes deals with patients and then doesn’t tell us about them.” | I need to talk with him about developing a better system of communication |
| She only cares about her schedule. | I respect her concern for her own patients and I’d like to help her extend that concern towards all of our patients |
Do the Complaint Challenge
You and your team may need some training on how to adapt an ownership mindset. But you can introduce the topic with a *fun* challenge for your team. Some years ago, Will Bowen developed an ingenious challenge to inspire a complaint-free world. He invited people to wear a rubber purple bracelet on the same wrist for 21 days. But here is the rub (there’s always one!) If you complain about anything, you must transfer your bracelet to the opposite wrist and start over. I didn’t last 2 days. I told myself that I wasn’t complaining; I was simply “observing” things that were going wrong. But of course, these observations were just disguised complaints.
You can get the purple bracelets at Will Bowen’s website (https://www.willbowen.com/complaintfree/) or on Amazon, or if you want to be really thrifty, use the free purple rubber bands in the produce section at your supermarket.
Here’s to a complaint-free dental practice!
